No Plus Sign in Sight
I always said that I wanted a big family; lots of kids, all running around, kicking, screaming, fighting, laughing. My husband agreed and I’m sure his hands-on fathering approach has much to do with my desire to have lots of little ones.
I now have two sons, wonderful toddlers at ages 2 and 3 and I want a baby. Yes, I am feeling that urge again. Thankfully my husband Saud is on board. We are both ready to start trying. I’ve always believed that every man should have a son and every woman should have a daughter. I would absolutely love to mother a girl one day although with the male dominated genetic pool of my in-laws, having a daughter may be unlikely.
However, I’m feeling quite concerned after a recent conversation with a girlfriend who told me it is going to be very difficult to conceive.
You see, I only have one ovary. Nine months after my first son was born, I had emergency surgery for a ruptured cyst in my left ovary. They took the ovary and the nurses and doctors (and many family members) kept insisting that one day, I would have another child…eventually. Well, my second son came along after our first try and although everyone said it was a fluke and how lucky I was, it’s left me feeling a bit anxious. My girlfriend has only upped my angst by telling me that I need to start trying NOW because it may take me forever to conceive.
So after our first try, I took a test last week. Negative.
Yes, it’s only been one month. Yes, I am already blessed with two healthy children. But I feel this pressure all of a sudden. At 34, with one ovary, a mother who constantly reminds me that the older I am the more difficult it will be to conceive and surrounded by many friends who are having difficulty getting pregnant, I sometimes wonder if it’s not meant for me to have more, considering how blessed I already am. And yes, I realize that my panic may seem a bit ridiculous after only one try however with one ovary having to work overtime, I can’t help myself.
Many of my friends think I’m crazy for wanting more than two. Two is a handful as it is, especially so young and close in age. But with a husband who is as paternal as ever and a determination to be the best mommy to them possible, I can’t imagine stopping at two just yet.
I visited my doctor this week and asked her to write me a prescription for chlomyd. For anyone who doesn’t know, chlomyd is a fertility drug. She looked at me like I am crazy, absolutely refused, said I’m ovulating perfectly fine and simply because both of my previous pregnancies lucked out on the first try doesn’t mean it’s the norm. She insisted she doesn’t want to be responsible for me having sixtuplets and sent me on my way.
I woke up the next day with a small spring in my step and decided that it wasn’t the end of the world after all. The sun was shining and I was off to meet my girlfriend for a great lunch. We gabbed about life, love and little ones and then I headed home. On the way home, I genuinely couldn’t zip up my pants. I had to not only pop the top button of my size fours but also undo the zipper. This wasn’t a burgers and fries kind of lunch. I had only had a salad and some pita and hummus. Why was I so bloated? It wasn’t normal. A small voice inside of me said that maybe my previous test had been wrong. Maybe I should try again. After all, the first test I took was five days before I was supposed to. And at this point, I was already two days late.
I decided to head home and take another pregnancy test.
All the while, I gave myself a talk about disappointment. I wasn’t even going to tell my husband that I had taken another test for fear that he would officially know my secret; I was going crazy. I just wanted to make sure. I mean, I work out, I eat well, why couldn’t I zip up my pants?
I snuck into my bathroom, did what I needed to do on the stick and prepared myself for a stressful few months of baby fever.
Lo and behold, the stick turned into a plus sign. I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant! I’m super blessed, super grateful, super thankful and evidently already super hormonal.
Follow Sheba’s journey in her pregnancy ups and downs in Masalamommas new column ‘Baby on Board’… Where she talks about the journey of a masalamomma balancing two boys while pregnant and making the transition to a family of 5!
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