Affection: How Much Are You Comfortable With?

Why a little affection goes a long way

By: Anchel Krishna @anchelk

Photo: Courtesy Anchel Krishna

My parents are my role models when it comes to relationships. They treat each other with respect, trust and admiration. After 37 years together they are still very much in love. When I was a kid growing up I would get occasional glances into their affection for one another. Sometimes it was an inside joke, a special smile or modest display of affection.

We also used to watch Bollywood movies together in the 80s – you remember the type: the epic four-hour love story with an intermission, twirling in flower fields and snow-covered mountaintops and the cutaway just as the couple was about to kiss.

Maybe it was the way I was raised or the fact that I’m an outgoing introvert but I’ve never been one for big, public displays of affection. However I do think it is important to show the people you love that you love them, in a way that works for you. In our world it means always saying I love you, kisses on the cheek, hugs and actions that show each other how much we care (Dilip is naturally much better at this than me and it is something I continue to work on).

The other thing I’ve learned is that it’s not just these displays of affection but the way that you treat one another the rest of the time that makes the biggest difference. This is a lesson that I have to continuously remind myself of over and over.

Our relationship is great. It’s not perfect (whatever that is). But it’s great because we’re both committed to celebrating the wonderful things and working through the tough things.

Over the years my sisters and I have watched our parents go through the biggest ups and the lowest downs that life brings. And the one thing that has always been abundantly clear is that they go through it together. That’s what I want Syona to see from Dilip and I as well.

And though she’s only three, I think she sees that already. She often tells me to kiss daddy when I give her a kiss on the cheek. And just this weekend we were all sitting together on the couch when she asked me to move closer and wanted to take turns kissing both of us. She will often request that we ‘both’ do things or spend time together. It is great to watch. And it makes me hope that we’re starting on the path of helping her build a strong foundation of what love looks like and feels like.

Parenting Writer

The South Asian culture doesn’t often show affection in the same big, public way of the western world. But I do think my parents’ relationship helped me learn what real love is and different ways to demonstrate true affection. And while I love sparkly gifts as much as the next girl, nothing shows more love than a partner who shows up, sticks around and let’s you know they aren’t going anywhere.

What do you think?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.