Letting Go of Mommy Guilt

Have you been on a Guilt Trip lately?

By Anchel Krishna @anchelk

Contact Anchel at: parents@masalamommas.com

Parenting Writer

Anchel focuses on why it’s important that you (and she) gives up the guilty feelings that come with being a mom.

Fill in the blank:  As a mom, I feel guilty about______.

Examples:

• Not working
•  Spending too much time with my kids/spoiling them

• Taking “me” time

• Not taking me time

• Spending time one on one with my partner
• Not spending enough one on one time with my partner

• Having a dirty home

• Spending too much time cleaning my house

•  Not helping my kids with their homework

• Helping my kids too much with their homework

• Spending money on my kids

• Not spending money on my kids

• Eating take out or prepared meals

• Not getting my kids take out or prepared meals

• How much/little time we spend as a family

• Overscheduling/underscheduling my kids

Seriously, this list could go on forever.  The idea for this article came from a twitter conversation between myself and fellow Masalamommas, Anjum (editor)  and Raj (style writer).

Shortly after our online conversation, both Dilip and I got sick (have any of you caught this nasty cold/flu-like summer bug going around?) on the same day – we were down for the count: sore throat, fever, coughing – ugh.

Typically when we get sick we muddle through. One of us catches it before the other and the least sick parent takes over the parenting side of the responsibilities. But this time we both went down on the same day. So we decided in our delirious state to ship Syona off to Dilip’s parents for two nights (they take care of her during weekdays anyways, when we’re at work).

And though I was slightly delirious, I was also riddled with mommy guilt.  So many families have to continue on even when they are sick, so why shouldn’t I? Then Dilip reminded me of the obvious: that we are fortunate enough to have the option to send Syona to her grandparents and get some much-needed rest. (I then passed out, so who was I to argue?)

The truth is that I feel mommy guilt all the time. In addition to all of the above reasons I also struggle with balancing Syona’s special needs with her needs as a growing toddler. Are we doing enough therapy? Are we doing too much therapy? Did I work enough on her  “goals” today so her next assessment can be successful? Are we pushing her too much or too little? It is an endless list.

But here’s what I’ve learned: When we spend our time and energy focusing on the guilt we miss all the amazing things our children are doing. We miss all the incredible things we and our partners are doing. We miss the things that we need to focus on and improve.

So today, I’m giving you a free pass. Give up your guilt and go enjoy your family.

What triggers your mommy guilt? How do you deal with it?

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