Mom Can Be the Loneliest Number


By Shruthi Malur @nonstopbakbak & online:

Shruti Malur

Shruthi Malur

Motherhood is a lot about always giving unconditionally. We’ve heard the term give and take. Ever wondered why it is not the other way around? Clearly, whoever said that probably meant unless you give you won’t get.
The last couple of years being home with my toddler got me into doing some soul searching. It was the beginning of the journey within me.

Being a mom can be fulfilling, but it also gets lonely. Not many moms will tell you that, but it is a fact.  Blame it on the hormones or a new schedule that never lets you have much time for yourself, and add lack of sleep into the mix and you definitely have a lethal combination of mood swings and feeling left out.

For an extrovert like me, I wasn’t prepared for the kind of shift in norm that motherhood brought. Since I was taking care of my little one all alone, I had to adjust my social life accordingly. That meant getting to check my voice mails at night, replying to emails and messages during midnight and showering in the wee hours of the morning. My life was turned upside down and it constantly shifted gears. I couldn’t cope, I felt myself shutting down and slowly that contact list started shrinking as well.


My big-hearted nature also took a U-turn. I am the kind of person who always reached out, irrespective of the fact that I would ever get anything in return. Slowly, I started getting wary of giving selflessly, having a child was demanding as it is. I had enough of un-returned calls, messages, emails and waiting for people who could never make the time to see me or be with me. On more than one occasion I would say, “I miss my old self, I want it back”. I had that sinking feeling, and it was hard to stop myself from going further.

Redemption came in the form of my child. I had so much to learn from her. She loved me so much. There were no barriers. True unconditional love. It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do. Her adoration and attachment never faltered.

Apart from that, I made it a point to keep some time aside for myself. I read, stepped out on long walks, met loved ones and sometimes did nothing. I have to thank my husband for giving me that opportunity. It helped me gather myself. When the baby slowly started getting into a schedule, I started making time to do things that made me happy. It included writing, singing, yoga, a daily stroll, and of course devoting myself to the little one. I started living each day without inhibitions and felt truly blessed to be given this opportunity to spend time with her. The realization that work will always be there when I get back but this time with her is truly irreplaceable and precious dawned over me.

The friends are still there. Not everyone understands what I am going through, and I don’t expect them to anymore. That is liberating. Someday, they too will learn. When they come back, I’ll still be here for them. People come and go in to our lives for a reason. We aren’t perfect. The ones who stay are the ones who care to look beyond those imperfections and they are worth holding on to.

How did you feel after the birth of your child?

Did you feel loneliness, how did you cope? Let’s start the dialogue. Share your comments below!

(Visited 188 times, 1 visits today)

There are 6 comments

Add yours
  1. Zahra

    This is such a great post – I went through and am going through a similar situation after my son was born. I think it gets easier, but it never quite leaves. I think it is just a part of evolving and growing up – but you are wise to advise taking time out for yourself, and really appreciating the true blessing that is that sweet little child!


    • Shruthi

      Hello Zahra,

      Thank you so much. I am so glad a lot of mothers have been able to identify with this. You are spot on with saying it never quite leaves you. Every time some one says “Oh, it will get better”, I am like will it really? 🙂
      Every child teaches us so many things which we wouldn’t have learnt otherwise.
      Thanks again for stopping by to leave a comment.


  2. British Asian Mum

    Thank you for writing such an honest post. I totally identify with this. You’re right that no one tells you how lonely motherhood is. I found spending so much time on my own with a small child such a culture shock- I have always been surrounded by people whether through work, friends or simply my husband. Being at home with a baby and now pre-schooler, well even now sometimes the silence is deafening and I have the TV on just for some ‘company’.
    But the truth is that motherhood is a sacrifice right? So what I have given up- a big part of myself, I gain in this wonderful child who is growing up before my eyes and will soon be at school all day and I will miss her! I’ll be back at work and longing for the baby-days!
    I’m learning everyday that I need to enjoy today for what it is- a season of life which will change.

    Thanks again for speaking out!

    • Shruthi

      Hello There,
      You are so right. It definitely is a sacrifice with no one paying attention to what you are doing. Nor will you get commended on what a great job you did. It is for you and your little child. It can be really tough at times, however a hug and a smile from your bub can make the dullest of days seem bright.

      Thank you so much for your comments. Really Appreciate it.
      Best Wishes,

  3. PK

    I completely agree with you Shruthi. Those days were really tough but they made me tougher:) That phase helped me know myself. Motherhood is lonely for most nuclear families where you really have no one to help you out. There were days I wanted to just run away from everything, I just could not handle the loneliness but with time you learn to become your own best friend . The best reward is seeing your kids blossom into wonderful souls who love you so unconditionally. Today I am much more content with my life. Rgds Pk.

  4. Shruthi

    Hello PK,

    Sorry that I am seeing this now. But thank you for the kind words. Yes, we learn all along the way that it is us and only us who control our happiness and moods. And watching the child grow and grow with them can be so fulfilling.
    I am so happy about being able to connect with so many mothers now, and loneliness is a thing of the past.

    Best Wishes and keep smiling,


Post a new comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.