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I knew one day I would write this blog. After all, I have already written The New Indian Bride and The New Indian Wife. It was just a matter of time before I wrote Journey to Mom. What I didn’t know is that would start now and in this way.
It was a Monday afternoon and I was feeling as sassy as ever. I recently started a new job and was invigorated by the work, the clients, the people and the prospects this job was sure to bring. My new shorter, bouncier hair along with my new green straight leg pants (on sale at Nordstroms) paired with a black silk top and black suede high heels also contributed to my sassy demeanor.
I left the office at 3:00 PM to head to the doctor. At the recommendation of my OB/GYN a few weeks earlier, I was headed to the infertility clinic. Not because I am infertile but because My Leading Man and I had been trying actively for six months to get pregnant. My Ob/GYN suggested some tests and that I visit the Infertility Specialist to see if they could prescribe some medications that could expedite the process.
Initially just the thought of visiting the Infertility Specialist was a bit nerve-wracking. First, I took issue with the name. I am surely not infertile. Not me. I have always had a feeling deep down in my bones that I would be a mother. I will have kids. Two of them. Preferably a boy and a girl. So going to an infertility specialist just sounded wrong. I renamed the doctor I would be seeing a Fertility Specialist. Because I knew all I needed was a little nudge to make me more fertile. Besides, as my OB/GYN assured me as she typed my referral “35 is the new 25! You have nothing to worry about.”
I walk into the fertility clinic and it is bright and alive with hopefulness. Much nicer and warmer than the OB/GYN’s office, which is older and the medical assistants meaner and more worn out. I am directed right to the doctor’s office, where he is seated behind his desk. He shakes my hand, turns to the computer and starts reviewing my recent test results, taking some medical history both for myself and My Leading Man He asks why my husband hasn’t joined me.
“Honestly, I hadn’t even thought of bringing him” I tell the Doctor. And why would I? Aren’t you just going to give me some drugs to get this party started?
“Is there a problem with the tests we took recently?” I ask the doctor tentatively.
“Is it my husband. It must be him.” I like to blame him for things. Like, all his cooking has made me fat or all his messiness has made me insane. It would be nice to blame him for this too especially if I have to tell my family or his why we are having trouble conceiving. Not exactly. Your FSH levels are far outside the range considered normal.
I am surprised, shocked and quickly saddened as the Doctor explains that while I could continue to try each month to conceive naturally I would be facing a bit of an uphill battle due to this imbalance. Instead he proposed a treatment plan he thinks would be the best course of action given my age. I look down. My bright green pants and high heels remind me of how sassy and alive I felt when I walked in and how in this moment at the doctor’s office hearing this news, I suddenly feel all the sassiness and confidence dissipate like air out of a balloon.
Sixty minutes later I walk out of his office without a trace of the confidence and exuberance I walked in with.
I try to tell myself this is no big deal. Many women go through this. Several of my close friends are going through the exact same thing. I know I will have children. This is just a road bump on my path to motherhood. And while I don’t like Doctors, drugs, needles and everything else that seems to be in my future, I am not going to let this get me down. Besides, didn’t my OB/GYN tell me 35 is the new 25. Well then this treatment must just be the time machine I need to get me back in my twenties.
It wasn’t easy finding My Leading Man. It sure isn’t easy being married to him. This is just another hiccup that may not be easy to deal with now but in the end, just like marrying My Leading Man, it will be well worth it.
Welcome to Journey to a Baby.
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